11-11-14 "I Read the News Today"

So I woke up today

 with the first line of a Beatles' song 

bouncing around my brain cells. 

 It wasn't until 

I stepped on my (very dusty) 

bathroom scale 

that it all made horrible sense...…

Yep, "I Read the News Today Oh Boy"…..

So now, dear Readers, 

I draw you into 

 My Nasty Predicament.  

What predicament?  

To dial down that number, 

that accusing number, 

that number that always haunts me. 

 But, see, to dial down that number means 

MINDFUL EATING AND

 MINDFUL MOVING AROUND 

(" aka "Exercise")

Back to my Predicament—

I love to eat (mindlessly)

and I have a body designed 

to fiercely protect the many calories 

I throw into it. 

That results in a lifetime 

of chubbiness 

and all the shame that goes along with it.

And the other part of my predicament, 

I hate to move around (exercise) 

When other children visit a park-

they scramble over to the playground. 

 Me, I scramble (well, saunter) over

 to the nearest bench and read.

You see the problem.

Now, a Great Irony 

(God has such a sense of humor):

Arthritis has invaded most of my body,

 and that extra weight makes it worse. 

 Sigh.

I tried what in my mind 

was "a quick fix" in April 2005—

I had a bariatric bypass.  

Yes, I had my anatomy drastically altered 

to "solve" my problem. 

 At the time of the surgery, 

I weighed 278 pounds. 

 I lost 110 pounds over the next year.

And I've been slowly and horribly

 gaining it all back.  

If you set your mind to it,

 this can be done.  

Too much eating and too little exercise 

will put that flab back.

Sigh.

So I've had both knees replaced. 

 I've had my right shoulder replaced.

 I must have worn out my rotator cuff

 with all that food-to-mouth movement.

Now I walk in pain 

because the arthritis is invading my back.  

And the weight still keeps on coming.  

It's very evident 

that the weight is a real pain—

all I need to do is pick up a gallon of milk,

 and watch all my arthritic body parts 

"weigh in". (pun intended)

So, Gentle Reader,

 I begin today in my quest

 to reverse the flab festival.  

Anyone who has seen the movie "Wall-E"

 recalls that the futuristic lifestyle 

has everyone packing on the pounds 

as they loll around all day

 on little lounge chairs, 

with all their food brought to them. 

 Exercise of any sort is forbidden.  

The lifestyle looks great to me:

HOWEVER, "I've Read The News Today—

OH BOY!"