Saturday, August 18, 2018

ME AND MY CANE


“ME AND MY CA-ANE
STROLLING DOWN THE AVENUE..”
(to the tune "Me and My Shadow")

I’M NOT PARAPHRASING
THE REST OF THIS OLD TIMEY SONG,
BECAUSE I RARELY “CLIMB” ANY “STAIR”
 IF I CAN AVOID IT,
AND I’M RARELY
“ALL ALONE AND FEELING BLUE.”

BUT MY DECORATIVE CANE
IS LIKE MY SHADOW…
GOES EVERYWHERE WITH ME,
MY CONSTANT HELPFUL COMPANION.

HERE IT STANDS, NEAR MY FRONT DOOR,
BY MY PURSE,
READY TO COME ALONG WITH ME
AT ANY TIME,
ANYWHERE….
(ISN’T IT JUST SO CUTE?)


THIS SWEET BUDDY
HAS BEEN WALKING ALONG WITH ME
FOR OVER THREE YEARS.
(I HAD A BLAND BLACK CANE BEFORE THAT.)
BUT WHEN I FELT IT MAY BECOME
A PERMANENT ACCESSORY,
I FOUND A FINE VARIETY OF DESIGNS
ON AMAZON, MY FAVORITE
ONLINE RETAILER.

I RECENTLY CHECKED CANES ONLINE,
AND THE SELECTION HAS EXPLODED!
YOU CAN FOLD THEM,
BLING THEM WITH GLITTER,
AND CHOOSE FROM A DAZZLING ARRAY
 OF PATTERNS AND COLORS.
CANES ARE BIG BUSINESS 
IN THIS AGE OF
OF A BOOMING, 
AGING POPULATION!

I WOULD CONSIDER USING MY CANE
JUST FOR THE LUXURY
OF HAVING PEOPLE
OPEN DOORS FOR ME….
WHICH THEY DO….
ALL THE TIME…
EVERYWHERE…
IT’S VERY SWEET.

I HOPE THAT NO ONE
DECLINES THE SUPPORT
OF A DEAR CANE
BECAUSE THEY THINK 
THAT THEY WOULD APPEAR,
WELL.....
DISABLED IN SOME WAY.

WITH A CANE, YOU ARE
 ABLED,
SUPPORTED,
ENHANCED,
STRENGTHENED.

IT SHOULD NEVER BE CONSIDERED
A SYMBOL OF
WEAKNESS
OR IMPAIRMENT.

IT’S A LOVELY TOOL
WHICH I REQUIRE
IN THE OFTEN “UNSUPPORTED”
OUTSIDE WORLD.

AT HOME, I USUALLY
LEAVE THE CANE BY THE DOOR,
BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY PLACES
 TO SUPPORT MY UNSTEADY LEGS
 (OR MIND).

YEARS AGO, GENTLEMEN SPORTED CANES
AS A SIGN OF ELEGANCE
AND STYLE…


WELL, ISN'T THERE THAT
 “ME TOO” MOVEMENT 
GOING STRONG NOW?
SO I AM WILLING,
PROUD,
 AND HAPPY
TO FACE THE WORLD…

ME AND MY CANE!





Tuesday, August 14, 2018

CONFESSION OF A SENIOR SISSY



So there’s a famous quotation,
usually attributed
 to the sassy actress Bette Davis,
 who declared that
“OLD AGE IS NOT FOR SISSIES!”

Not good news for me,
as I embark
on my ridiculous old age
 year of-----77 
(yuck)!!!

Because I AM a SISSY!
I am not brave or courageous,
or anything that active and energetic…

I hope around various plan and projects,
 disregarding logic
and giving in to flights of fancy,
 rarely rooted in reality.

I was going to buy a condominium
near my best friends,
I declared a few years ago.
I studied floor plans
and wove many wispy scenarios---
and THEN consulted a mortgage expert,
who baldly stated
that my financial situation
was a no-no for a mortgage of any kind,
 except maybe for a garage!
 (Sigh)

I face new Adventures in Arthritis
every day, 
fighting its invasive aches
with several joint replacement surgeries.
Well, having surgery is not for sissies, right?
Wrong—
I just wanted to stop hurting—
what a SISSY thing!

I delight in new ways to not exert myself:
Ordering groceries online,
For instance.
Not only do Amazon and Target and Costco
deliver items to my front door,
 but Jewel Osco started
deliveries last November.
 SISSY HEAVEN!!!

My library has a 
DRIVE THROUGH window,
Where I can pick up
 my latest pile of books and movies.

So there I am....
reading and viewing
 recent Movies on DVDs
and Binge-watching 
favorite Television shows
Via streaming services like Netflix
From the cushy comfort 
of my couch:
SISSY, SISSY, SISSY!

My budget as well as my arthritis
prevents much travel,
So I travel with my friends
via their wonderful Facebook photos…
on my SISSY ass!

And playing online games-well,
 my beloved cell phone
entices me daily with
Scrabble (called Words with Friends)
and Gin Rummy
and Free Cell Solitaire… 
while plunked down
...again... 
on my SISSY rear end!

But I’ll tell you a secret....
if this is old age....
and I’m a SISSY about it...

ME LIKEY BEING A SISSY!


I WANT IT ALL, AND I WOULD
LIKE IT DELIVERED.(BETTE MIDLER)