BACK AGAIN!

          So here I am, FOUR MONTHS since my last blog, on August 1st!  Yuk!

          And it's been SIX MONTHS since my last Journal entry.  Where was I?  Planted with my wide ass firmly ensconced on the right side of our sofa, my usual spot whenever I'm home.  I have my books, my television, my laptop, my smartphone...comfy and cosy.  I have coffee during the day, and wine during the evening.

          I am very content.....but I've become lazy.  Too many hours of card games and Scrabble on my lovely smartphone (now a new Samsung Galazy Note8, if you please).  And no time at all writing, reading poetry, or any inspirational words.  I've turned my back (metaphorically) on some of my best parts, and the activities that nourish these best parts.

          Well, I'm back, thank you very much!

THE 'W' PROJECT

I need a support group to help me with my "W" project.  "W" for weight---loss, hopefully.  My arthritic joints, back and legs are screaming for help, my pre-diabetic lab glucose numbers were just recorded with my concerned doctor, my number on the scale is shocking--and I want to gag every time I see a photo of myself.

My "W" goal and plan is threefold" . Walk, Water, Write.....

          Walk, or at least exercise, every day, a minimum of ten minutes at first.

          Water, at least three glasses per day.

          Write a daily food diary, and make personal journal entries daily.

And so I begin yet another journey into self-improvement—sigh.  When did it all begin?  Probably my first weight loss experience was when I was 14, and my brother Nick was 11. We were both given Dexedrine pills to cut down our appetite, and reduce our chubby frames.  Mom began cooking “healthier” meals for us, and it worked!  For my most of high school (and even into college), my weight was almost normal.  I always had the big hips (genetic, you know), but I certainly looked and felt better about myself.

And thus began my frequent struggle to lose the same weight—over and over again.  The Slenderella machines, which were supposed to shake off the weight from a band around your hips…

….the Atkins diet, the Drinking Man’s Diet, Weight Watchers, Overeaters Anonymous, The Low Carb Diet, the No Food Diet, yada, yada, yada…

So many diets, so much weight gained and then lost again.  During the 1950’s and 1960’s, doctors handed out “diet pills” liberally, with often no more health monitoring than taking your blood pressure and weighing you monthly….and collecting their fee. 

I want to a “diet doctor” who handed out the pills in small white bags!  Like drugs! And they were drugs—they were amphetamines!  Yes, the pills cut down on my appetite, and also made me feel energetic and more positive—and I smoked much more too, because I was hyper.  My contemporaries will remember the controversial book Valley of the Dolls (and later movie).  The “dolls” were pills that everyone was popping during those legalized drug days.

I liked losing weight, I liked more energy, and I liked the positive feeling.  It wasn’t until thirty years later that I found out that the positive effect I loved was really from my genetic lack of serotonin….I had inherited my father’s depression.  Until I was blessedly given Prozac in the mid 1990’s in my fifties that I saw how much I needed that serotonin---like others need certain vitamins when they have a deficiency.

I wasn’t overweight because I was depressed—I was overweight because I was a “fattie” genetically, and so needed to fight this condition my whole life.

I finally resorted to bariatric surgery in 2005, at the age of 63, and at my all-time weight of 277 pounds, which did not sit attractively on my 5’3” height!  And from this drastic alteration to my anatomy I achieved success---for a while.  I lost 110 pounds during that first year after surgery, and kept MOST of the weight off for 8 or 9 years. 

But now I sit like a chubby Grandma Buddha, 

with almost all that weight back---at 250 pounds.

Even after a double knee replacement surgery in 2011, shoulder replacement surgery in 2015, and hip replacement surgery in 2016, I walk with a cane.  My legs are weak, stairs are nearly impossible, and I can walk or stand for only short intervals of time.

I am blessed in that my basic health is really good. 

But since it hurts to move, I don’t---move, that is.

My favorite activities can be enjoyed while I am sitting on my ample ass: reading, watching TV, playing scrabble and gin rummy on my smartphone, using my laptop computer for email and Facebook and online shopping and…..and….almost everything.

But I just had a round of lab tests, 

glucose and all the standard tests.  

The day of reckoning once again 

dawns on my flim-flam lifestyle. 

I have to get up, get moving, get real, get healthier.

And so I turn to my journal and my blog 

and to my email and Facebook buddies.

HELP!

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BLOG WORTHY?

          So I am horrified to see the date on my last blog:  

MARCH 28TH!!!  

(At least it was THIS YEAR)...

What finally pushed me over to the keyboard

to break this long cyber-silence?

Outright desperation!

That's what my INSIDES feel like... 

so hopeless, so spineless...

so unhealthy....

because my OUTSIDES are 

so "fluffy"...

FLUFFY prevents my walking with ease, 

or using stairs,

or wearing smaller clothes,

or feeling attractive.

FLUFFY has followed me around 

all my life.

Even when I see in photos that I was fairly slim

 (for me)....

I STILL FELT TOO FLUFFY!

But..."there is nothing either good or

bad, but thinking makes it so....

THINKING, THINKING, 

STINKIN' THINKIN'.... 

I often wonder how horrified I would have been

at the age of twenty-five,

if I woke up with my current

75-year old body...

with its arthritic aches and limits.

There is an old joke that if I knew I was going to live this long,

I would have taken better care of myself.

Well, I didn't....and I haven't!

But what makes this blog still worthy to be published,

after such an embarrassing long silence?

That deep inside my heart and soul,

I am still enjoying the gift of my life

every FLUFFY day.

With hope and optimism,

and especially, GRATITUDE.

FLUFFY WILL BE FINE FOR NOW!

COWARDLY ME

          

So we all know the words to the Serenity prayer, right?  

And we may find ourselves invoking it now and then. 

 I just realized that for me,

 the "SERENITY" is easy, 

the "WISDOM" usually there too----

but the "COURAGE"---

not so much!

My problem is that I'm serenely capable

 of sitting around and accepting my limitations--

but getting off my duff

and jumping OFF--

or IN..

sigh!

I've recently decided to change 

what I'm eating and drinking

every day

in the hopes of feeling less

arthritic pain

and more energy.

Walking has become difficult, 

and even with my cute trusty cane...

I'm not so willing to walk daily

so that I can get better.

See, I have to BE better

to GET better.

I lack the courage to change

 that the Cowardly Lion lacked, 

but then did find!

Meanwhile, I am most accepting

in every serene way

imaginable.

Even during fleeting moments of self-doubt--

I try not to break a serene sweat!

It has taken years of practice,

but I have achieved 

Ultimate Serenity.

But where will I finally find

some of that nasty Courage--

to get up and get moving

and get better?

Stay tuned for further developments!

"DYNAMIC DUOS"

          Today I celebrate DYNAMIC DUOS (sort of)
who have graced my days...

       My Incredible Two Sisters Joanie (left) and Mary Rose (center):

After three brothers, I yearned for a sister, 

and FINALLY....

Joanie (center) arrived when I was twelve,

and Mary Rose (left) when I was twenty!

And, boy, were they worth waiting for!
They are the loveliest, funniest, caringest DUO ever!

Wait, wait....

 I must sneak this in,

despite the dubious math involved.

Here is the Sister Duo again

 PLUS our Sister-in-law Kathy, 

who is really another sister--
see how much fun we have together?

("We are family, I got all my sisters with me"):

THEN I have my two daughter-in-laws, 

the DYNAMIC DUO

of Laura and Susan, 

who are really honorary daughters of my heart:

Here they are with their fortunate husbands,

my sons Matt (Laura) and Jeff (Susan):

I celebrate the great wisdom and just plain luck

that they crossed paths with my sons, 

and then chose to go down that path with them!

And this beloved DUO of Laura and Susan

provided my grandchildren bounty....
Bella (left) and Jake (center) (Susan and Jeff's)

Rosie (right) (Laura and Matt's),

Please, I know that this blog 
was about DUOS in my Family,
but I cannot have a blog
without a grandchild picture or two!

Whew, what a loving numbers game
I just bloggingly played!

But can you blame me, 
when the numbers add up 
to these AMAZING BLESSINGS 
in my life?

THRILLING THREESOMES

          "THREE" is a magic number in my life.  

My three children Matt, Niki, and Jeff:

My three grandchildren---Jake, Rosie and Bella:

          My arms are full of their wonderful life and energy, 

my heart with their very essence.

          That I was twice blessed, 

with this bounty, confounds me often.  

I can conjure up

 sentimental tears now

 as I see their sweet faces.

 In my kids' photo, 

Matt sports a camera-ready smile, 

Niki strikes a pensive pose, 

and little Jeff just looks confused...

.but all adorable.

          In my grandkids photo, 

they are all smiling 

in anticipation 

of a tasty piece of my 74th birthday cake. 

 Their smiles prove 

that they CAN sit still for a photo op,

 if we just wait until they are old enough!  

(Some of them proved reluctant

 during earlier attempts at group poses!)

 The corridor of my life

 contains many open doors....

to laughter and tears, 

to hopes fulfilled

 and some dreams dashed, 

to yearnings and feelings

 that seemed sometimes

 to just bust out of my heart.....too much to contain.

         These beloved sets of THREE,

 separate souls

 with their own yearnings and hopes,

 joys and disappointments, 

spilling over into their lives 

and interacting with those they in turn love.

How very thrilling to know and love them all!